Injured? We will hunt down the guy who did it to you!

Some time in December I walked out of my favorite pizza place in Provo and found the Law Firm Hummer of Death parked intimidatingly next to a pitifully undersized normal car. I don’t know if you’ll find this funny, but there on the back of the Hummer is the classic ambulance chaser pitch: “Injured? call 888-…” Several thoughts go through my head as I see this. The first is, why on earth does a law firm need a Hummer to conduct business?! One possibility is that by affixing an ad for the law firm to the Hummer, the over-sized intimidating gas hog of the highway becomes a tax write-off. Getting closer. But then it dawned on me. “Injured? Call Us. If we can’t help you legally, we will personally hunt down the perpetrator and make him suffer. Contact the Law Firm Hummer of Death for more information.”

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[Legal disclaimer: I have deliberately obscured the law firm name, the contact phone number, and the license plate from the Law Firm Hummer of Death. Heaven knows I don't want to see this vehicle in the rear view mirror of my Hyundai any time soon.]

Advanced Nutrition… Hairball Formula?!

Where have I been for the past umpteen years that we’ve owned cats? Obviously not spending enough time in the grocery store perusing the cat food selection. I was sent on a quest for cat food last night, so I began dutifully scanning my options in the cat food section of the local grocery store. The following stack of bags caught my eye, and this photograph should convince you that I am not making this up.

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This is Purina Cat Chow, for adult cats, as you can clearly see. You can also see that this is “Advanced Nutrition Hairball Formula”. What can this possibly mean? I’m not sure I want to know. But I am comforted that this product is “Formulated with Yogurt”! And is in fact “Made with real chicken.” The hairballs are, no doubt, artificial.

Warning! Pool unsafe for use by anyone!!

We recently bought a smallish pool for our back patio — an attempt to beat the recent heatwave in the intermountain desert. Pool depth is around 3 feet, diameter around 10 feet. Turns out there are some dangers that we would have been entirely unaware of, if not for this handy warning label sticker that the manufacturer thoughtfully provided.

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Warning!

Do not bloody your head at the bottom of the pool and/or snap your neck off in 18 inches of water.

Alien emos will attack your children with deadly laser beam vision.

Ladder does not belong in the pool where children can climb and enter.

Ladder belongs three feet from the pool where children must apparently levitate to enter.

Warning!

 

Milk for sale!

This picture was taken last week by my colleague Dr. Bryan Morse in a Utah County grocery store that will remain nameless (since I don’t know which one it was).

But when you see the “Power Price” advertisement! Boy howdy! Load up while supplies last. :)

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Visitors, this way

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What does it mean?! Perhaps it makes more sense in Chinese.

This picture was taken at the Emporer’s Summer Palace near Beijing in May 2006.

I guess I always presumed that directional signs were there for clarification, helping you to avoid the non-obvious bad path. But what’s the alternative here? Straight over the wall and into the creek? Perhaps.